What started in high school as a fun pastime to swing dance, quickly turned into a regular occasion in college. My last two years at the University of Northern Colorado were filled with many adventures while living in the Marian House. Several of those adventures began, ended or were in direct relation to DANCING.
Let me clarify what I mean by dancing: we rarely went to those stereotypical college clubs that basically sound like someone is beating on the wall with a bass drum. I actually only recall two circumstances in which I went to "Cactus Canyon" while I was in college. Oh, no. We went to the Sundance in Ft. Collins, the Mercury Cafe in Denver and Suite 152 in Ft. Collins for dancing with a partner. Through these interactions, and the ones that followed in my life as a missionary for college students, I started to realize the beauty in catechizing through dancing.
What does dancing teach us? The act of dancing teaches men how to be men and women how to be women in an environment that's not a classroom, planned small group like a bible study, or large group catechetical event like a lifenight or conference. When standing on the side of the dance floor as the songs begin, men walk toward women, ask them to dance. Women then have the option to accept or reject the offer. Men lead women to a spot on the dance floor that gives them room to begin the basic step: a step that the man is to lead the woman through to the beat of the song that is being played. As they are dancing, it's the man's responsibility to lead the woman through whatever turns, spins, dips, pretzels, or what have-yous. It's also his responsibility (and, guys, take note, because it's the least fun what you're jostled around) to protect the woman in his arms. If there is a good crowd that night, there's going to be a need to make sure that your dance partner for that song isn't thrown into another person during a spin, or that someone else turns their partner into her. .
Each of these small events leads to roles that are proper to the true masculine nature of men and the feminine nature of women. When waiting to dance, men ask women: this is them initiating the relationship. Through this interaction, I learned how, in my own life, to allow men to initiate relationships. This actually allowed me to live a better emotional health, because I wasn't putting myself out there on display too much. I learned how to give subtle hints, and waiting on someone else has taught me a greater respect for something as simple as friendship and greater patience in most areas of my life. When waiting to be asked to dance, a woman makes eye contact with the men she hopes will ask her, for whatever reason. It's not initiating anything, but allowing a man to understand the interest on behalf of the woman.
When asked, a woman has the opportunity to open herself a little more to a man. She definitely weighs the factors: Do I know this guy? Is this someone with whom I am extremely uncomfortable? Is this person simply wanting to dance, or is there an ulterior motive? Will this person respect my personal boundaries? Has this person had too much to drink tonight? Once an answer is given, men respect that and either find another partner, or lead the woman to the floor. What a beautiful opportunity. I encourage woman to simply say, "Yes!" even if you can't dance. Opening yourself to the opportunity to allow a man to lead, and allowing yourself the vulnerable opportunity to learn something new with another person is a beautiful part of life and human interaction. If we don't allow ourselves to be open, we cannot find it in ourselves to receive: the nature of women is reception; it's even written into our bodies.
After this cordial exchange comes the actual dancing. I'm going to say the thing that women probably struggle with the most: leading. Ladies, men lead the dance; don't try to take over for him. Don't anticipate. Why did I write that? Oh, you know, because I do it, too. I've been dancing two-step, country swing, west coast swing and salsa for long enough that I know the basic steps and basic turns. Let's relish in that: mystery. In my own heart, I see that struggle with pride myself. I see that when I get to a point in my life where there's a slight curve in the road, I want to be on the other side of the curve right away. That's not how Jesus works. I'm not saying my life is perfect, by any means; I'm not living my life-long Vocation, yet. I do, however, have a peacefully happy existence as I wait for the Holy Spirit to reveal the next turn to me. Yup, it's the hardest thing ever to wait on the Lord at times, and He knows that it's my biggest struggle to be patient. It's why I'm often waiting longer: because I need it! This is why this aspect of dancing is so good for the female heart: patience and waiting on his timing. You're following what the man is doing, and not expecting or analyzing; your job is to follow. That's the hardest job in the world, gals.
While this inner dialogue of telling myself to stop leading on the dance floor is happening, a guy is thinking about his next move and making sure there is enough space for the steps he plans to take. Earlier, I called it "protecting his partner", because, well, sometimes that's how it feels! This past Friday, I went dancing with a pretty large group of people (mostly gals - sorry guys!). Two of the men with us, in particular, not only danced well, but actually made me feel safe from the "dangers" of the dance floor. When I was dancing, I knew that they wouldn't allow another couple to bump into me. I knew that they wouldn't spin me into another person. In that way, I knew that they were caring for me more than just trying to bust out some moves to impress me. One of the most impressive things to me is a man who can love through chivalry. In this culture of equality, women often have beaten men into submission by yelling, "You don't think I can open a door for myself?" Actually, that's not what he's saying. He's honoring you by:
1. Allowing you the opportunity to be served. You very well can open that door for yourself, madam, but he would like to show you your own dignity by doing it for you so you don't have to break pace.
2. Allowing you the opportunity to receive. While it's no great feat for a man to open a door, a woman can honor a man back by simply receiving his small gesture. In other cultures, when you don't eat all of the food on your plate, you're dishonoring and insulting the cook. You'd NEVER do that. Why is socially OK to dishonor and insult a man holding the door for you in that way? SHEESH.
In this culture, having men who still desire to treat women with the respect they deserve, which is far beyond the respect for which we often ask, ladies, is a breath of fresh air. Dancing with someone who doesn't allow to you get bumped into isn't the greatest form of flattery, but it is an honoring point that to which I want your attention to be drawn. There's a hidden beauty in that small gesture.
Our culture is so obsessed with pushing the limits: How far is too far? What is my limit? How much can I do in a day before I exhaust myself? How much of a high can I get before it's not legal any more? This is because we've lost the art of simplicity. St. Therese is a great Saint for today's culture, in that her little way would be even less recognizable in this culture of limits. We have lost our ability to take appreciate and find beauty in the smallest of actions. We desire bigger and better, louder and flashier. As counter-culturals, we are called to action and to take note of the simplest of gestures and graces. While our God is the God who created the world and acted through the most horrific death, He still pursues us in the silence and works on our hearts in the baby steps.
Dancing has taught me so much about my heart. A struggle for a long time was to hold myself back. I was so hurt by so many circumstances that rather than seeking healing, I didn't allow for people to come to know the real Manda. I thought this was my well-guarded secret, until one night. I went swing dancing with a small group of people. At the end of the second dance with one of the guys, he called me on my crap. He said, "You need to LET GO." I was sorely irritated in the moment and refused a dance the rest of the night. However, after prayer and reflection, I realized he was right. Through my own postures and my own desire to lead, I refused to let go. I was refusing to open myself to a new experience with a new person. Here's the thing I find most beautiful about dancing, other than the way in which is can change our hearts: each dance is unique. I don't mean each dance is unique in the steps, I mean that each time you dance with another person: that is an experience that can never be repeated. Opening ourselves to new people, to new experiences, to new ways of learning the Lord, of course with a discerning heart, that is how we grow. When we live in a bubble, the only way to grow the bubble is by stretching.
Let's be Saints, people.
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