I'm foregoing the traditional niceties because I'm appalled by what you wrote. I'd like to take just a moment from my work day to respond to what you said as an appropriate way to date.
First, I'd like to say you must not have a very balanced idea of who good women are. Throughout the course of the five reasons, you mention several times things that are unattractive to you as traits of "women". Clearly, according to these concepts, you actually have no female friends, contact with female relatives, or any encounters with women outside of brief meetings at work or at the bar on a drunken Friday night. This thought saddens me as your blog has gotten so much attention; you are no expert on the female heart.
Women, in general, want to be seen as beautiful. We try to live the ideal, and we sadly sometimes try to make ourselves look "hot" because we have a shallow understanding of what beauty is. Here's the point that you're missing, too: women are naturally designed to be beautiful. I can recall a few circumstances of the most beautiful women I've either met or been impressed by. My freshmen year of college, I met Jim Caviezel on the streets of the Vatican in Rome. With him were a couple of men in his entourage, but also his wife. While I remember his graciousness in allowing us to shake his hand in Italy, I remember how beautiful his wife was more. When we think of stars' wives, we think of super models, women whose looks are those we could only dream to achieve with the help of photoshop and an inordinate amount of makeup, thus realities that don't exist. What I remember about Mrs. Caviezel is her LACK of makeup, and her smile. She radiated joy, faithfulness, and love. She was beautiful to me because she knew who she was and didn't demand to be treated for more than she is. Gorgeous.
The other woman I think of that defies your idea of beauty is Mother Theresa. A dear friend of mine often showed a picture of Mother Theresa to students and reminded them that this is not what the world defines as beauty. Mother Theresa wouldn't have won any traditional beauty contests, but she was a soul that radiated beauty beyond the exterior. This woman saved lives, served with her entire being, and loved all. There's scantly a thing more beautiful than this.
Beautiful to the world is simply a state of the exterior. Your concept is off: simply a statement of exterior (rarely fat, stylish clothing, fit and trim, etc.). While I commend you for not using the word "beauty" in your article to define what you're looking for, I also call you a liar because it's exactly what you want....in your distorted way.
I have rarely met a man that does not find a woman who knows who she is attractive in some way. You might be the first. While the exterior comes into play, while it may seem great at the beginning, the irrational thoughts that pervade, the lack of desire to go out because she doesn't feel beautiful enough, the crazy amounts of exercise or the lack of eating or the intense cry fests, or the lack of ability to show who she truly is, that all weighs on the other person. Am I blaming these women for failed relationships? Ah, hell, naw. I am saying that the emotional instability of women with these chemical imbalances and poor self-talk (it's called a disease for a reason) takes a real man to be there for her. A real man lets her know she's beautiful. A real man shows her more than just what's in the mirror (or what her lying mirror tells her). A real man treats her with respect. A real man shows her that he's not the only person she can lean on in these times. Let's be honest - a real man will show her the way to Christ for healing, love and growth. A real man doesn't exploit a woman for the mere fact that she refuses to show her true self, and therefore simply aims to please you; a real man will help her draw out the authentic, beautiful woman inside. Ultimately, a real man will recognize that she needs to make the decision to work towards recovery with support herself. That's right, work towards RECOVERY. This is a real disease that shouldn't be exploited.
You say that women who have the "you go girlist" confidence are unattractive. You say that women that have an inflated ego carry some of the traits of the most unattractive kind to you. I'll venture to say this: the very thing you detest here is a.) a symptom of the same root of what causes eating disorders and b.) something you seem to struggle with yourself. Pride, the vice that is seemingly the most pervasive in our culture, attacks in two forms: low and high. High pride is what you described as almost disgusting to you. High pride is what we normally think of when confronted with the word, itself; it's the tendency to think of yourself more highly than is actually rooted in truth. Low pride, my friend, is the same issue, but the opposite swing; low pride is the tendency to think of yourself more lowly than is actually rooted in truth. Both forms of pride reject God in their essence: the proud who reject God because they don't see the need for Him in their lives, and the proud who reject God because they fail to see their worthiness of Him in their own hearts. Women who struggle with eating disorders don't find themselves worthy, which is a thought that is not rooted in truth. Women who do not see themselves as worthy of love are believing a prevalent lie that has saturated our culture. Women are beautiful and dignified. Please stop trying to tell them they're not.
The other three points that you made regarding money and sex show something almost more devious in this article than the previous points: utilitarianism. The root issue with the entire treatise is your mindset of allowing women to simply become objects for your direct pleasure, and not allowing women to become, in your mind, people. The whole purpose of your article is to show that our world has some pretty slim and atrocious options for our late-twenties/early-thirties dating. Ok, I'll agree with you; the world, at large, has some pretty awful options for potential love. On the side of women, I can say that fairly often, the guys we find ourselves relating to emotionally or, really just being able to relate to in general, are not the kind of guys that "you'd take to meet Mom and Dad". Conversely, the virtuous, "nice" guys tend to reside in the land of misfit toys, scarcely able to even converse naturally. (Note - don't get offended, guys; this isn't the case for every guy.). The same could be said for a man's perspective. However, if you lower your standards to simply dating for the sole purpose of using another for what they can do, and that's it, then you are going to make this problem an inescapable reality of the future.
“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.”
Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen, Life Is Worth Living
Why not enjoy the bromances in your life until you meet a gal who fits your criteria in a more healthy way? Or perhaps does the fear of a lifelong commitment leading you to personal growth scare you so much?
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