Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel has come to you!

(This is a reblog from my old blog a few years ago. Loved the consolation I received during this blog and wanted to share again!)

The last few weeks, I have been spending time in my prayer and heart "preparing for the birth of the Lord". Really, it's a funny thing to think about - how does one truly prepare themselves for the birth of someone who has already been born? I've spent extra time in the writings of the Saints. I've tried my darndest to figure out the meaning of the "Coming of the Lord". See, I know that in a few short months I will be shouting from the rooftops about the Resurrection of the same Man who was just born this very morning.


I began to place myself, once again, in the lives of those who were placed on the earth before Christ was born. I want to sing "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!" when I put myself there. The idea that these people had no idea where their redemption was going to come from (outside of these little hints from a crazy guy named Isaiah ;) ) is a completely foreign concept for the hearts of us who often fall into complacency! They continued to be actively seeking their Messiah, their Savior. They knew He was coming, and they didn't want to miss a second of Him. They begged God everyday for Him to be born upon the Earth and save them! There were people who remained in the temple day and night to await His coming. There was confusion, brokenness and so much fear. Wow - so it's like today! I had a small moment of great rejoicing in the coming of Emmanuel today when I returned home from my sister's.


I was very much looking forward to coming back to Denver for this Christmas season! I even drove in conditions I probably shouldn't have for about 70 of my 900 mile journey just to be with my siblings this very Christmas Eve (watch the Broncos play and have breakfast with my family). I came back to my parents' house where my car is still stuck out front in the foot of snow that the plow left for us to park in, and no one else home. It was a beautiful experience to sit alone on Christmas Eve. I walked to my sister's for a couple hours, and came home soon after to finish wrapping and prepare for midnight. I pulled open my laptop to play my new favorite Christmas songs - Brandon Heath's "Night Before Christmas" (which I blogged about before), Phil Wickham's "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel", and Francesca Battistelli's "You're Here", and jumped onto Twitter out of habit. I was trying to think of my Christmas Tweet to my friends on Twitter, when I looked to see what was trending. I was certain Tim Tebow would be on that list, and, alas, I was right. To my grandest surprise, there was something trending far more than Timmy tonight (despite his terrible showing of FOUR TURNOVERS) - Midnight Mass. Screaming "O, Come, Emmanuel" in my head when I drive past the Adult Stores, when I see the destitution of Flagstaff, when I think about the culture I live in everyday I walk on campus to bring Him to the students and the students to Him, suddenly was before my face. He's here! For a brief moment, the entire world stood still about 2000 years ago when a star appeared in the sky. Angels sang shepherds from their flocks to worship the tiniest and most vulnerable of people. More people in this world believe in the existence of angels than they do in the existence of God. People, the world was less shaken by Gabriel's appearance to Mama Mary, an angel coming to the earth to visit a human being and call her Blessed, than it was the birth of GOD. When I looked to see that more people were posting about Him, not just being born upon the earth, but that they had seen and received Him, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity just a few moments before was absolutely breath-taking. In that moment, joy was born again into my soul. In that moment, in my parents' basement, all alone on Christmas Eve, I found myself at a loss for words at the entire world standing still for yet another moment. The very moment He came down to experience humanity in humility.





REJOICE! REJOICE! EMMANUEL HAS COME TO YOU, OH ISRAEL!





The vulnerability of the Christ Child has brought me to my knees once again. He's here. So today, I hold Jesus in my arms. Today I bring myself to the manger stable, and I rejoice with my entire being at Incarnation. Happy birthday, beautiful baby boy, and welcome to this wonderful world You created.





"What came about in bodily form in Mary, the fullness of the godhead shining through Christ in the Blessed Virgin, takes place in a similar way in every soul that has been made pure. The Lord does not come in bodily form, for 'we no longer know Christ according to the flesh,' but He dwells in us spiritually and the Father takes up His abode with him, the Gospel tells us. In this way the child Jesus is born in each of us." 


-St. Gregory of Nyssa - "On Virginity"

Bringing Dating Back

Four Reasons You Should Be Casually Dating

With the advent of Buzzfeed, lists have become rather popular on the internet.  I'm taking advantage to share my reasons for "casual dating".  First, I should tell you that I'm not using the word "date" the same way that we use it today.  The word "date" was used in a completely different way when our parents were of dating age.  Dating someone meant simply spending intentional time with another person with the aim of getting to know them.  This was often in the form of dinner and/or a movie or driving on a Friday or Saturday night.  Often, men would take several women out in a month.  Vice versa, women would have several dates throughout a month.  "Dating" now is the equivalent of "going steady" for them.  I am not saying we should have an excess of boyfriends or girlfriends in our back pocket.  I'm also not saying we should serial date just to get the attention of the opposite sex.  I am saying that I think it's healthy, appropriate and beautiful because:

1. Emotional Chastity.  I talk about emotional chastity on a fairly consistent basis, so many of my friends are rolling their eyes at me right now. Emotional chastity is the ability to be modest with our emotions: revealing emotions at the right time within the proper context (CCC #2523).  Emotional chastity allows for safe vulnerability, and allows a person to have healthy emotional relationships within their entire life.  It seems that going on dates with several different people wouldn't allow for a person to be emotionally chaste.  Au, contraire!  This allows a person to practice guarding their hearts.  Imagine this: if you had a dinner, lunch or coffee date with different guys at least twice a month, would every date become a big deal?  Absolutely not!  It would still be exciting, but the purpose behind each individual date wouldn't be hidden.  Women and men (don't even try to tell me that men don't struggle with emotional chastity) would have the opportunity to get to know different people. (more on this in a follow-up blog on modesty...stay tuned...)  Which leads me to:

2. Proper Discernment.  Discerning marriage is good, beautiful and difficult.  The discernment of marriage is a Vocation in direct relationship to another person.  We cannot discern definitively marriage without being able to discern with another person.  Does this mean that those who have prayed and experience a call to marriage are wrong?  No, but it does mean that they cannot fulfill that call without the other person.  Seems pretty obvious, right?  So, how does dating help?  Getting know several people allows you to understand several different temperaments.  In this way, dating several different people helps you to discern what you truly want and (more importantly) need in a spouse.  How many youth rallies, conferences, or even lifenights have we been told to make a list of things you want in your future spouse?  How do you even know what you want or need if you've never spent intentional time with the opposite sex?  

More than this, we sometimes need to adjust what we want.  We should never, ever, ever, ever, in a million years, lower our standards for a potential spouse. Virtue, chastity, relationship with Christ, ability to lead, kindness, etc, are very important to marriage.  However, we should be cautious to know that our spouse is likely not going to look like a Calvin Klein model.  We also need to remember that no person is perfect.  Men, stop looking for the perfect woman; she doesn't exist.  This is a fallacy that's been placed in your mind from the time you were young.  Ladies, stop looking for Mr. Right; he's not real.  Emotions are an important part of attractions, and we do need to pay attention to that, but we cannot simply say that we always know and understand the Mind of God and know exactly who we are looking for.  

3. Boldness.  A few years ago, I met a wonderful priest named Fr. John Parks.  I was a FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) Team Director, and he was a high school chaplain in Scottsdale.  One afternoon, Fr. Parks and I were discussing over the phone something that's near and dear to my heart: evangelization.  Fr. Parks posed the question to me, "Why is our society so afraid to share the Gospel?"  My response was, "Our parishioners do not see the necessity in practicing boldness."  Virtue is something that is acquired through the perseverance and consistent practice of a habit.  In order to be an evangelist, we must not be afraid to be bold with Christ, as He makes bold strides with us daily.  We are too afraid to hurt feelings or rock the boat that we miss opportunities to share Christ with others.  So, how does dating help this?  I hear on a pretty consistent basis that guys are afraid to ask women out on dates because they fear rejection, and this makes me wonder what kind of Christians they are in the public sphere.  Often times women do not show their feelings for men outright because they are either guarding their hearts, working towards a more virtuous way of flirting, or trying not to lead a guy on.  Whatever the case, I would recommend that guys get over it and ask her out.  The worst thing that could happen is the lady says, "No."  How is that even bad?  Your relationship is now further defined, and the Lord closed the door for you.  

Conversely, I have a rule (and I'm fairly certain my roommates share this rule): If a man asks me for intentional time or a date, I am free at the time proposed, and I don't feel physically unsafe with this person, I will always say, "Yes." to the first one.  I don't always say, "Yes" to a subsequent date, because sometimes it's pretty obvious that we aren't called to marry one another.  We don't know where our spouse is coming from.  We don't know who the Lord has in mind for us.  Ladies, allowing a guy the opportunity to be chivalrous will allow you a chance to practice receiving.  Also, what an opportunity for boldness on our parts: there may be something that comes up on the date that we can address as a matter of loving virtue.  Get out there and date!

4. Opening the Lines of Charitable Communication.  Dating allows people to practice being open with their communication.  Dating teaches us how to have healthy and holy conversations with persons of the opposite sex.  I studied Human Communication, psychology and sociology in my undergraduate.  One of the biggest things that was stressed by my psych and soc professors was that communication, and how that communication is presented, is key to the health of every relationship.  Most experts rank that as the first focus for healthy and satisfactory relationships.  While, as Catholic Christians, we know the most important focus of every relationships should be creating an environment where Christ is at the center (and making sure both parties are pursuing Christ and being pursued by Christ), it goes to say something.  Communication is something we are missing.  Just look at this: I'm a nobody writing to a group of people I might never meet, and they got this through means that didn't require actually talking to someone (most likely).  It's not like I'm a news reporter who writes for a newspaper, and you have to walk down the street to the newsy on the corner to read this.  Nope.  You opened your macbook or iPad.  Your marriage will not be a series of text messages.  Your marriage will not be emails.  Yes, these forms of communication have allowed us to make the world smaller, but you have to look at someone's face to make vows.  Dating allows you to learn how to make conversation and opens those lines without the potential awkwardness.  This allows for a less awkward "DTR".  When a guys asks a lady to be his girlfriend, or to "go steady with him", there's clarity in what that means.  Yes, boundaries need to be defined, but that conversation is already set up for that.  Yes, other conversations will follow, but at least you know that at that point, the discernment has reached the next level: let's be exclusive and discern marriage.

In these ways, I would say that a date is any time that is spent one-on-one, intentionally, and not "dutch" (one party pays).   The challenge lies in this: what is it about the word "date" that makes you live in fear?

A Season of Waiting

It's that time of year: coffee shops have their cute cups with snowflakes on them, pop artists releasing horrible renditions of Christmas songs, lines at the mall are ridiculous, planning to fly out to visit family is always a gamble (I'm from Denver), and music everywhere with lots of bells.  Yes, friends, it's December.  I'm not against the excitement of the season; I actually love the seasonal coffee drinks, and, yes, I am one of the crazy people who went Black Friday Shopping (on Black Friday).  Who are we kidding; it's almost a magical feel to this time of year.  We know something important is coming.  Whether that's cleaning the house for out of town guests, wrapping presents, or preparing our children for Santa or St. Nick, whatever your tradition, we instinctively feel that it's an important time.

Let's not miss the point of the season; Christmas isn't here yet.  For the shopping mother who has so much to get from the "wish list" before December 24, those words are almost comforting.  For the kids who are in school, those words sound almost like a funeral droll.  To the Catholic who loves purple, it means the Season of Advent is upon us.

Advent is another time of the year that prepares us for something greater.  Yes, Sweet Baby Jesus, 8 pound, six ounces newborn infant Jesus, is what we celebrate on Christmas...kind of.  We relate to the baby because, as women, we see the potential for life within ourselves.  We relate to the infant because, as humans, we're vulnerable, too.  We cry, too.  We eat, too.  We need to be cared for, too.  But that's not what Advent is all about.  Advent comes from the Latin Adventus, which means coming.  It translates from the Greek Parousia which means second coming.  These four weeks are another opportunity to renew our hearts for the Second Coming of Christ.  The Gospel at Mass yesterday from Matthew said it well, "Therefore, stay awake!  For you do not know on which day your Lord will come."  We cry in our Church pews during this season, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel! And ransom captive Israel!"  We cry for the season to be over because we see the light at the end of the tunnel, the excitement behind the fasting and crazy preparation.

Have you ever been around a woman who is around 8 months pregnant?  Most of the time, she is completely uncomfortable.  The baby is under her ribs.  The baby is sitting on her bladder.  The baby is moving around in her womb keeping her awake at night.  Stand is uncomfortable for her back because of the extra weight from the baby in her tummy.  Sitting is uncomfortable because it almost seems like there will never be enough room for her to share her body.  Laying down is uncomfortable.  Really, she can't get comfortable, and she's just ready for the bundle of joy to stop squirming inside of her and just be swaddled in her arms.  Imagine that the woman is carrying the Savior of your nation.  You know that that baby inside you is called "Emmanuel", that He's going to be "wonderful, counselor and the Prince of Peace."  Imagine the impatience we would experience knowing that this child is the One and only child who could ever save us.  "Baby, just come out so we can meet you!" you would cry on the social media of the time with your ever chaste husband, Joe, by your side.  You know, though, that in order for a child to be healthy, it must pass a certain amount of time inside your womb. In your heart, you feel restless with nesting, you feel completely unprepared for your child to be born, but you just want the baby in your arms today.  "What will it be like to give birth?  Will my baby cry all the time?  Will I be able to soothe my baby?  Will He struggle to eat at first?"  With these questions mounting, we must remember that there is still time to prepare and to relax.  We still have a time of waiting and patience before the Advent of our child.  Patience, waiting, preparing.  This is the liturgical season of advent.

Sometimes my life is like a romantic comedy.  Weird things always happen to me, and people are always asking me, "When are you going to get married?"  This is especially true when I stand in weddings; I've been in 9 so far, and have the great privilege of standing next to my best friend as her Maid of Honor in June.  It's beautiful to be such an integral part of the Sacrament of Matrimony.  Bridesmaids not only get to prepare through planning and doing fun things with the Bride, they also get to pray with and for the bride, we get to fast for her.  We get the honor of knowing her heart before the wedding.  That aside, it's a time to see parts of wedding masses that I love (there are rarely things I don't "like") and think about the Vocation to which the Lord has called me: marriage.  In my college household, there were eight of us.  Of the eight, five are married, one is engaged.  The two of us remaining unwed (the other happens to be my other best friend) have a Vocation to marriage, and we discuss this from time to time.  While it's unhealthy to dwell solely on the future, it's a beautiful opportunity to sit in patient waiting, asking the Lord for more grace to prepare my own heart for the Advent of my future spouse.  I find myself asking the Lord what parts of my heart are still in darkness that need His light to be ready to be a holy and chaste spouse for my own husband.  My best friend shared with me that her spiritual director told her, "We should never tire of asking the Lord for our spouse."  While my prayer is centered on Christ, I know that God created my heart for selfless love, and I ask Him to bring that my way at least once during my prayer time.  I do spend time with my roommates in Phoenix who are calling me to a greater holiness.  I do make time for daily prayer.  I do reach out to my sisters in Christ in different ways and work diligently at my beautiful job as a Coordinator of the New Evangelization, while writing and speaking on the side.  I enjoy many things because I have the time for them.  My single life now can be exhausted for the Lord, but that's not my ultimate Vocation; He's preparing me for something greater, something that will be for my greater sanctification.  This is a very real taste of my own Advent, my own season of preparation.

Each of our lives are filled with purification opportunities from the Lord.  What is He calling forth from the darkness of our hearts to the light today?

A Letter to Tuthmosis

Tuthmosis,

I'm foregoing the traditional niceties because I'm appalled by what you wrote.  I'd like to take just a moment from my work day to respond to what you said as an appropriate way to date.

First, I'd like to say you must not have a very balanced idea of who good women are.  Throughout the course of the five reasons, you mention several times things that are unattractive to you as traits of "women".  Clearly, according to these concepts, you actually have no female friends, contact with female relatives, or any encounters with women outside of brief meetings at work or at the bar on a drunken Friday night.  This thought saddens me as your blog has gotten so much attention; you are no expert on the female heart.

Women, in general, want to be seen as beautiful.  We try to live the ideal, and we sadly sometimes try to make ourselves look "hot" because we have a shallow understanding of what beauty is.  Here's the point that you're missing, too: women are naturally designed to be beautiful.  I can recall a few circumstances of the most beautiful women I've either met or been impressed by.  My freshmen year of college, I met Jim Caviezel on the streets of the Vatican in Rome.  With him were a couple of men in his entourage, but also his wife.  While I remember his graciousness in allowing us to shake his hand in Italy, I remember how beautiful his wife was more.  When we think of stars' wives, we think of super models, women whose looks are those we could only dream to achieve with the help of photoshop and an inordinate amount of makeup, thus realities that don't exist.  What I remember about Mrs. Caviezel is her LACK of makeup, and her smile.  She radiated joy, faithfulness, and love.  She was beautiful to me because she knew who she was and didn't demand to be treated for more than she is.  Gorgeous.

The other woman I think of that defies your idea of beauty is Mother Theresa.  A dear friend of mine often showed a picture of Mother Theresa to students and reminded them that this is not what the world defines as beauty.  Mother Theresa wouldn't have won any traditional beauty contests, but she was a soul that radiated beauty beyond the exterior.  This woman saved lives, served with her entire being, and loved all.  There's scantly a thing more beautiful than this.

Beautiful to the world is simply a state of the exterior.  Your concept is off: simply a statement of exterior (rarely fat, stylish clothing, fit and trim, etc.).  While I commend you for not using the word "beauty" in your article to define what you're looking for, I also call you a liar because it's exactly what you want....in your distorted way.

I have rarely met a man that does not find a woman who knows who she is attractive in some way.  You might be the first.  While the exterior comes into play, while it may seem great at the beginning, the irrational thoughts that pervade, the lack of desire to go out because she doesn't feel beautiful enough, the crazy amounts of exercise or the lack of eating or the intense cry fests, or the lack of ability to show who she truly is, that all weighs on the other person.  Am I blaming these women for failed relationships?  Ah, hell, naw.  I am saying that the emotional instability of women with these chemical imbalances and poor self-talk (it's called a disease for a reason) takes a real man to be there for her. A real man lets her know she's beautiful.  A real man shows her more than just what's in the mirror (or what her lying mirror tells her).  A real man treats her with respect.  A real man shows her that he's not the only person she can lean on in these times.  Let's be honest - a real man will show her the way to Christ for healing, love and growth.  A real man doesn't exploit a woman for the mere fact that she refuses to show her true self, and therefore simply aims to please you; a real man will help her draw out the authentic, beautiful woman inside.  Ultimately, a real man will recognize that she needs to make the decision to work towards recovery with support herself.  That's right, work towards RECOVERY.  This is a real disease that shouldn't be exploited.

You say that women who have the "you go girlist" confidence are unattractive.  You say that women that have an inflated ego carry some of the traits of the most unattractive kind to you.  I'll venture to say this: the very thing you detest here is a.) a symptom of the same root of what causes eating disorders and b.) something you seem to struggle with yourself.  Pride, the vice that is seemingly the most pervasive in our culture, attacks in two forms: low and high.  High pride is what you described as almost disgusting to you.  High pride is what we normally think of when confronted with the word, itself; it's the tendency to think of yourself more highly than is actually rooted in truth.  Low pride, my friend, is the same issue, but the opposite swing; low pride is the tendency to think of yourself more lowly than is actually rooted in truth.  Both forms of pride reject God in their essence: the proud who reject God because they don't see the need for Him in their lives, and the proud who reject God because they fail to see their worthiness of Him in their own hearts.  Women who struggle with eating disorders don't find themselves worthy, which is a thought that is not rooted in truth.  Women who do not see themselves as worthy of love are believing a prevalent lie that has saturated our culture.  Women are beautiful and dignified.  Please stop trying to tell them they're not.

The other three points that you made regarding money and sex show something almost more devious in this article than the previous points: utilitarianism.  The root issue with the entire treatise is your mindset of allowing women to simply become objects for your direct pleasure, and not allowing women to become, in your mind, people.  The whole purpose of your article is to show that our world has some pretty slim and atrocious options for our late-twenties/early-thirties dating.  Ok, I'll agree with you; the world, at large, has some pretty awful options for potential love.  On the side of women, I can say that fairly often, the guys we find ourselves relating to emotionally or, really just being able to relate to in general, are not the kind of guys that "you'd take to meet Mom and Dad".  Conversely, the virtuous, "nice" guys tend to reside in the land of misfit toys, scarcely able to even converse naturally.  (Note - don't get offended, guys; this isn't the case for every guy.).  The same could be said for a man's perspective.  However, if you lower your standards to simply dating for the sole purpose of using another for what they can do, and that's it, then you are going to make this problem an inescapable reality of the future.  

“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.”

Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen, Life Is Worth Living

Why not enjoy the bromances in your life until you meet a gal who fits your criteria in a more healthy way?  Or perhaps does the fear of a lifelong commitment leading you to personal growth scare you so much?

Shall We Dance?

What started in high school as a fun pastime to swing dance, quickly turned into a regular occasion in college. My last two years at the University of Northern Colorado were filled with many adventures while living in the Marian House. Several of those adventures began, ended or were in direct relation to DANCING.

Let me clarify what I mean by dancing: we rarely went to those stereotypical college clubs that basically sound like someone is beating on the wall with a bass drum. I actually only recall two circumstances in which I went to "Cactus Canyon" while I was in college. Oh, no. We went to the Sundance in Ft. Collins, the Mercury Cafe in Denver and Suite 152 in Ft. Collins for dancing with a partner. Through these interactions, and the ones that followed in my life as a missionary for college students, I started to realize the beauty in catechizing through dancing.

What does dancing teach us?  The act of dancing teaches men how to be men and women how to be women in an environment that's not a classroom, planned small group like a bible study, or large group catechetical event like a lifenight or conference.  When standing on the side of the dance floor as the songs begin, men walk toward women, ask them to dance.  Women then have the option to accept or reject the offer.  Men lead women to a spot on the dance floor that gives them room to begin the basic step: a step that the man is to lead the woman through to the beat of the song that is being played.  As they are dancing, it's the man's responsibility to lead the woman through whatever turns, spins, dips, pretzels, or what have-yous.  It's also his responsibility (and, guys, take note, because it's the least fun what you're jostled around) to protect the woman in his arms.  If there is a good crowd that night, there's going to be a need to make sure that your dance partner for that song isn't thrown into another person during a spin, or that someone else turns their partner into her. .

Each of these small events leads to roles that are proper to the true masculine nature of men and the feminine nature of women.  When waiting to dance, men ask women: this is them initiating the relationship.  Through this interaction, I learned how, in my own life, to allow men to initiate relationships.  This actually allowed me to live a better emotional health, because I wasn't putting myself out there on display too much.  I learned how to give subtle hints, and waiting on someone else has taught me a greater respect for something as simple as friendship and greater patience in most areas of my life.  When waiting to be asked to dance, a woman makes eye contact with the men she hopes will ask her, for whatever reason.  It's not initiating anything, but allowing a man to understand the interest on behalf of the woman.

When asked, a woman has the opportunity to open herself a little more to a man.  She definitely weighs the factors: Do I know this guy?  Is this someone with whom I am extremely uncomfortable?  Is this person simply wanting to dance, or is there an ulterior motive?  Will this person respect my personal boundaries?  Has this person had too much to drink tonight?  Once an answer is given, men respect that and either find another partner, or lead the woman to the floor.  What a beautiful opportunity.  I encourage woman to simply say, "Yes!" even if you can't dance.  Opening yourself to the opportunity to allow a man to lead, and allowing yourself the vulnerable opportunity to learn something new with another person is a beautiful part of life and human interaction.  If we don't allow ourselves to be open, we cannot find it in ourselves to receive: the nature of women is reception; it's even written into our bodies.

After this cordial exchange comes the actual dancing.  I'm going to say the thing that women probably struggle with the most: leading.  Ladies, men lead the dance; don't try to take over for him.  Don't anticipate.  Why did I write that?  Oh, you know, because I do it, too.  I've been dancing two-step, country swing, west coast swing and salsa for long enough that I know the basic steps and basic turns.  Let's relish in that: mystery.  In my own heart, I see that struggle with pride myself.  I see that when I get to a point in my life where there's a slight curve in the road, I want to be on the other side of the curve right away.  That's not how Jesus works.  I'm not saying my life is perfect, by any means; I'm not living my life-long Vocation, yet.  I do, however, have a peacefully happy existence as I wait for the Holy Spirit to reveal the next turn to me.  Yup, it's the hardest thing ever to wait on the Lord at times, and He knows that it's my biggest struggle to be patient.  It's why I'm often waiting longer: because I need it!  This is why this aspect of dancing is so good for the female heart: patience and waiting on his timing.  You're following what the man is doing, and not expecting or analyzing; your job is to follow.  That's the hardest job in the world, gals.

While this inner dialogue of telling myself to stop leading on the dance floor is happening, a guy is thinking about his next move and making sure there is enough space for the steps he plans to take.  Earlier, I called it "protecting his partner", because, well, sometimes that's how it feels!  This past Friday, I went dancing with a pretty large group of people (mostly gals - sorry guys!).  Two of the men with us, in particular, not only danced well, but actually made me feel safe from the "dangers" of the dance floor.  When I was dancing, I knew that they wouldn't allow another couple to bump into me.  I knew that they wouldn't spin me into another person.  In that way, I knew that they were caring for me more than just trying to bust out some moves to impress me.  One of the most impressive things to me is a man who can love through chivalry.  In this culture of equality, women often have beaten men into submission by yelling, "You don't think I can open a door for myself?"  Actually, that's not what he's saying.  He's honoring you by:

      1. Allowing you the opportunity to be served.  You very well can open that door for yourself, madam, but he would like to show you your own dignity by doing it for you so you don't have to break pace.
      2. Allowing you the opportunity to receive.  While it's no great feat for a man to open a door, a woman can honor a man back by simply receiving his small gesture.  In other cultures, when you don't eat all of the food on your plate, you're dishonoring and insulting the cook.  You'd NEVER do that.  Why is socially OK to dishonor and insult a man holding the door for you in that way?  SHEESH.

In this culture, having men who still desire to treat women with the respect they deserve, which is far beyond the respect for which we often ask, ladies, is a breath of fresh air.  Dancing with someone who doesn't allow to you get bumped into isn't the greatest form of flattery, but it is an honoring point that to which I want your attention to be drawn.  There's a hidden beauty in that small gesture.

Our culture is so obsessed with pushing the limits: How far is too far?  What is my limit?  How much can I do in a day before I exhaust myself?  How much of a high can I get before it's not legal any more?  This is because we've lost the art of simplicity.  St. Therese is a great Saint for today's culture, in that her little way would be even less recognizable in this culture of limits.  We have lost our ability to take appreciate and find beauty in the smallest of actions.  We desire bigger and better, louder and flashier.  As counter-culturals, we are called to action and to take note of the simplest of gestures and graces.  While our God is the God who created the world and acted through the most horrific death, He still pursues us in the silence and works on our hearts in the baby steps.

Dancing has taught me so much about my heart.  A struggle for a long time was to hold myself back.  I was so hurt by so many circumstances that rather than seeking healing, I didn't allow for people to come to know the real Manda.  I thought this was my well-guarded secret, until one night.  I went swing dancing with a small group of people.  At the end of the second dance with one of the guys, he called me on my crap.  He said, "You need to LET GO."  I was sorely irritated in the moment and refused a dance the rest of the night.  However, after prayer and reflection, I realized he was right.  Through my own postures and my own desire to lead, I refused to let go.  I was refusing to open myself to a new experience with a new person.  Here's the thing I find most beautiful about dancing, other than the way in which is can change our hearts: each dance is unique.  I don't mean each dance is unique in the steps, I mean that each time you dance with another person: that is an experience that can never be repeated.  Opening ourselves to new people, to new experiences, to new ways of learning the Lord, of course with a discerning heart, that is how we grow.  When we live in a bubble, the only way to grow the bubble is by stretching.

Let's be Saints, people.

Not Made for Comfort

"Its crazy, but sometimes women actually dress for their comfort...and not men's. Crazy concept!"

This is an actual quote from a friend of a friend on a Facebook status.  This Facebook status was one of those social-media rants that people have because they can't actually rant to someone in person at the time (you're smiling because you do it, too).  This particular rant was one of my favorites: leggings as pants.  Not gonna lie; it's immodest, gross and uncomfortable for everyone around you, not matter how they look on you.  My exception would be if the base of your spine is covered (butt) and/or you're coming from/going to a work-out class.  Example: my roommate practically lives in her zumba pants, but my roommate practically lives zumba.  It's fitting.  She doesn't wear them to work, to the store, or when we go dancing.  Nope, they're workout pants.  Seems pretty clear.  That was simply so you know where I stand.  Here's my real point: dressing for comfort.

Before I start, I'd like to place this disclaimer: comfort is NOT meant for all areas of our lives.  Growing in the virtue of charity means being uncomfortable, giving more of yourself, so don't apply these principles.

Time and time again, I hear women talk about how uncomfortable they are, but they wear certain uncomfortable items because they're "cute".  Let's be honest; as women, we all desire to be beautiful.  We desire to be seen as beautiful.  It's an innate part of our hearts, and it's a basic desire of all women.  What's funny about this is it seems to be the theme of fallen humanity: wanting something we already have as part of our nature.  This isn't a new problem; it's really the oldest problem of all.  Just take a look at Genesis 3, and you'll see how this is the oldest problem in the world: humanity desires to be like God because a seed of doubt placed within them from the most evil of manipulators.  All the while, God has already created them to be LIKE him (Genesis 1:26 "God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our LIKEness.' ").  Old news to many people reading this blog, but I'm just ranting on the root of the issue here: recognize that what you desire you ALREADY possess.

What's true is that women are already beautiful.  Women are already radiating a beauty far beyond comprehension, the kind that makes people stop dead in their tracks.  Women carry within them a power that is beyond the comprehension of even our very selves, and we crave that power.  Seems a little redundant, no?  At the risk of sounding a little cheap or trite, I dare to tell you that you're beautiful, powerful and inspiring, over the internet, without ever meeting you.  You probably hear it all the time, but ignore it.  "They're just saying it to make me feel ok." "They didn't see the way I treated my child, roommate, spouse, coworker, mother, father, sister, friend, etc. this morning, so they wouldn't really think I'm beautiful."  Knock it off, take a compliment, and take your self-talk and lies to prayer.

Amid all this angst, frustration, self-talk, lying to ourselves, etc, we have to realize one lie: "Beauty is pain." We joke about it: "I need my beauty sleep." We do things that make us hurt ourselves: plucking eyebrows.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-waxing, shaving; I'm just trying to use this to prove my point.  Shoot, I do it all, too.  However, I will not, I refuse, I cannot, wear something uncomfortable all day.  (Unless it's a bridesmaid dress that the bride really, really, really wanted. That's only happened one time out of ten, so, hush!)

My desire is to be beautiful, to look nice, to dress as a professional, because that's what I am.  I do my hair, I wear makeup. I wear business casual, business dress or business professional every day of the week.  I also wear heels almost every day.  Let's be clear: I'm rarely uncomfortable.  I have a job that asks me to sit most of the day, therefore heels are practical.  I'm only 5 feet tall, and often I'm in meetings where I need to be in a position of authority, so I utilize the heels to give me a little more stature with which to work.  And they're adorable.  AND THEY'RE COMFORTABLE.  I started taking notes on how I live this out in my own life, and I came up with the following list for your shopping enjoyment:

1. Don't shop when it's dire.  This is one of those life skills that comes with adulthood.  We always talk about not grocery shopping when we're hungry, so let's apply the same concept.  Don't shop when the situation is desperate, if you can help it.  "I need a new dress for this big meeting that's in two days!" That's desperation.  Simply put something together in your closet that you already have.  Have your girlfriends help you; sometimes they see things you can't see yourself.  Try to stay ahead of the curve by having a variety of items already on-hand in your closet like a blazer for big meetings, an LBD for dates, etc. 

2. Hit sales.  There are some places near where I live that you really have to be in a mood to go to, like Last Chance.  But there are some places that eventually run sales on everything in the store: Target (clearance dresses are THE BEST), New York and Company, Forever 21, H&M.  Sometimes these items don't last very long (price is low for a reason), so don't try to wear them out!  Hitting sales lessens your guilt for buying.

3. Don't shop alone.  Jesus is the Lord of Light, right?  The best way in order to rid yourself of darkness is to bring things to light.  This is a practical tip in living virtue, that I'm applying to shopping.  Just try to stop me.  Having accountability from the right friend, sister, mother, etc. while shopping will keep you from the impulse buys, buying something you'll never wear, or over-spending.  

4. Set a spending budget.  I'm a Dave Ramsey fan, so this speaks for itself.  Don't take your credit card; set a limit for yourself.  In the words of Bon Qui Qui, "Don't get crazy."

5. If you fidget with it now, you'll always fidget with it.  Simple, easy enough, but how many times do we buy things that are just slightly uncomfortable while in the fitting room, and then they become a burden when it's worn all day?  

6. Try all positions in the fitting room.  Find a chair and sit in it.  Sit in it while looking in a mirror (modesty, gals).  Bend over, lift something (like your purse), pretend to drive a car, hold a baby.  Try to do what you do on a daily basis while in the fitting room.  You'll feel ridiculous, and you'll probably look a little silly, but at least you'll be informed on your purchase!  And who DOESN'T need a little more humility.  :)

7. Subtle platforms, squishy bottoms.  I always get asked, "How can you wear those SHOES?!"  That's the answer: subtle platforms and squishy bottoms.  Things that are created to make shoes more comfortable.  Also, there's a line of shoes you can find at DSW created specifically for brides and bridesmaids; buy them.  They're comfy as all get-out because they're made for standing all day.  

8. Be practical.  I sit at a desk most of the day, writing curricula, tweeting, answering email and planning.  If you're in a job that requires to you to be on your feet all day, don't wear six-inch heels.  There are wedges, flats, boots or otherwise, that are fashionable and practical.  Teachers, I'm looking at you.

9. Just fun and not dysfunctional. When did dressing become such a burden?  When did we stop being little girls who played dress-up for fun and become insecure women who try on several outfits before leaving the house?  Have some fun with this!  When you're wearing something you know looks good on you, you feel good about yourself. 

These aren't the only ways to dress fashionably and comfortably, but these are tips that I use personally.  Ladies, let's get out there and be counter-cultural.

The Longest Weekend of My Life

So, maybe the title is exaggerated, but for the introverted, Thursday-Late Saturday night was quite the marathon.  Since the death of my grandfather at the beginning of October, I've felt as though nothing I could do would ever allow me to catch my breath in cleaning the house, keeping up on groceries, keeping up on friends, making sure that my laundry is finished, catching up at work, keeping up with my budget, exercising, or very importantly, getting in my alone time with myself and the Lord.  Friday and Saturday were no exceptions.

What began as an excited idea for my birthday weekend, quickly turned into a weekend where everyone planned a party.  Thursday night, I had a few friends over, Friday I saw several friends one-on-one, then went to sushi and played softball for my birthday, skipped a party to sleep, and Saturday was invited to four parties: a birthday party, a 1st birthday party for my friends' daughter, a baby shower and my roommate's CD release party.  WHEW.  As the week came and went, I began to dread the weekend; I was not looking forward to the timing of all the events coming at my face.  I felt like people were intruding on my time, intruding in my life.  "Why is everyone doing everything on the same day?"  I was frustrated, scared and, quite honestly, being a selfish little brat.

Friday morning, I awoke to prepare for Mass for the Feast of All Saints.  During the Mass, I recounted the Saints who I very casually say, "Stalk me."  I reminded myself that they were my friends interceding for me often.  Then what hit me like a ton of bricks was the realization that their prayers for my lonely heart were answered 100 times.  This time last year, I was alone often.  While it was a beautiful time of loneliness and prayer in the figurative and literal desert (I live Phoenix), I prayed against the lie that I was created to be alone, and often asked the Lord to lead me to deeper friendships.  I was sick of having the same conversation all time; I was tired of introducing myself and putting myself out there.  I am overwhelmed at His response.  Thursday evening, a small group of friends gathered to celebrate my life.  MY life.  What?  People who didn't even know me this time last year were giving thanks: for ME.  That's a humbling fact.  Friday morning, a great woman desired a one-on-one lunch with me.  Friday afternoon, several people made an effort to stop by and eat sushi or buy me a drink.  I was needed at the softball game Friday night.

Saturday, I broke down in tears as I drove from party to party, realizing that people felt such an integral part of my life, that I was invited to very intimate moments of their lives.  While I couldn't make every party this weekend, being there for a child's first cake, being able to provide diapers for a friend's first child through her baby shower, having an intense discussion with a friend while she helped clean our house for a party and decorating the house for the debut album of my roommate and very good friend are moments that I'll never forget.  I cannot believe the grace and love that the Lord has poured out before me in this past year.  I also cannot believe the amount of ungratefulness I've shown Him.

Sometimes, all I can think about is going home and swinging in our hammock in the backyard with a good book.  While my body and mind are exhausted from an incredible weekend in which was I privy to celebrating so many beautiful lives, hearts and souls, my heart is souring through grace and hope.  I am asking that you each pray with me against the ungratefulness in my heart this week, and hope with me for greater things to come.

Let's get to heaven, peeps.

I'm in Love

Today is October 2, 2013.  On October 31, 2014, I will turn the ripe age of 30. 

For someone who has only been graced 30 years thus far, the Lord surely has given me quite the adventure of a lifetime!  I keep reminding myself that there is so much more to do, but I have many things I'd like to do before I turn 30.  Some of those things are typical, like skydiving, going on a decent date, traveling to all 50 states (I only have four left. C'mon!).

Some of them are atypical for women my age.  I'd rather not have a one-night stand.  I want to speak to thousands of people about my life with Christ.  I want to attend Divine Liturgy once and understand the differences between the Eastern Catholic and Western Catholic Churches. I want to go on a date with a future Saint.  I want to love, truly give of myself, not just romantically (yeah, that'd be nice, but it's not the end-all), but I want to love my family, friends, roommates, coworkers, parishioners, and most importantly my God more selflessly.  I want to better perfect my virtue.  I want the world to know who Christ is through me, not just through my words.  So, here's to a 13 month adventure through this blog. 

"I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." 

- John 10:10b

Who's with me?