New Website

Join us on our new website:

www.mandapoffel.com !

Jesus: The Man

A few weeks ago, I recorded an interview with "The Catholic Conversation" with Steve and Becky Greene.  It was hilarious and fun.  I've been anxiously waiting the release date, and, alas!  Today is the day!

One of the things I've been mulling over in my mind, and vamping on with some of my roommates, is a concept that Steve mentioned on air:

Woman can feminize anything, but man cannot masculinize everything. 

My gut reaction, when I reheard that on the recording was, "Wow, that might just be a gross over-generalization."  But then I thought about it a little more...

Last night I was tired from a long, but wonderful weekend, working the Feast Day weekend for my parish, and yesterday cleaning my office and finally getting to the mountain of work that needed to be put on hold for the concert weekend.  I got home last evening from the grocery store, pulled my hair up, immediately changed from my business professional to a pair of basketball shorts and a giant (XL - I'm 5 feet tall, so anything above Medium is basically just a dress on me) fishing-brand sweathshirt, and grabbed a beer from the fridge.  My roommate and I talked for a few minutes over the concept of woman feminizing everything, and I suddenly realized that I still made the look of basically a lounge outfit for a man with a beer (pronounced brrr in my house, fyi) in my hand seem feminine.  I was still womanly.

Conversely, my roommate brought the point about that a man, wearing yoga pants and a work-out tank could not rock that as masculine.  No matter who he is.

The general idea of what Steve was saying was not necessarily that every woman can make everything feminine.  No, the idea of woman, in general, making things feminine.

What does this mean?

I said in my interview, and I believe it still to be true, that it seems like our Church is often female-dominated.  I had a discussion with a friend one time about how to get men more engaged by the Church.  He said, very wisely, "When we stop trying to feminize Christ."

Here's the thing, we try to fit Jesus into this happy, peaceful, hippy kind of box.  He wore long hair because He was Jewish, not because He liked the way the wind whipped through His hair when he surfed the waves.  Jesus wasn't nice; He was kind.  Jesus wasn't nice; He was loving with the words one needed to hear (comfort or truth), not with what one wanted to hear.  Jesus wasn't womanly; He was a carpenter's adopted son.  He was strong, masculine, wonderful.  Stop trying to make Him out to be some hippy teacher who simply preached love all the time.  The love He preached was strong, faithful, bold, and (be ready) difficult.  Jesus wasn't a stereotypical 1960's rock star; He is the Savior.

All of these things add up to this: Jesus is a man.  None of this is to say that women can't be strong, or leaders, or kind.  I often need to remind people that affirming someone is not insulting another, so, ladies, calm down.  Simply this: Jesus IS loving and kind, and still says what we need to hear.  But the important thing for me (and all of us) to remember is that He is not a woman, and He is not feminine.

Hold On

There is a strong possibility that my roommates begin to hate songs because of me and my tendency to overplay them.  My most recent venture was one I heard one of my favorite artists from college come out with a new single: "Hold On" by Colbie Caillat.  Judge on, judgers, I love this one.

Some of you know that I love music.  The Lord uses music often to speak to me; mostly because He knows that's when I'm most open.  This is probably why I think the Byzantine Liturgy is beautiful: completely chanted.  This is why I love to sing at mass: because the Lord has given us something amazing with music.  I don't only use music in my prayer, and this isn't the ONLY WAY He speaks to me, but this is just a small background into me.  Silence is desperately important in our loud culture, but we have to see beauty where beauty is, and that is in music at times.

The lyrics of this song are pretty annoying if you're simply looking at them in the context of a "love song".  Today we live in a culture of instant gratification; that's pretty evident.  I'm not going to use this as an opportunity to launch into an exhortation against the culture right now.  No, instead, I'm going to ask you to take a second and find beauty where you maybe were adverse to before.

The last few months, I've been struggling with prayer.  People ask me, "How's prayer going?"  Well, I can tell you that it's happening.  I can tell you what I'm doing in that prayer, but I can't tell you that I feel like I'm "getting anything out of it".  Is it bad that I'm getting the seemingly silent treatment from the Lord?  To quote one of my roommates: "Ahhh, hell naw."  My prayer is dry.  I'm struggling with this, and sometimes we get those little doubts saying to us, "Quit.  Give up.  You're clearly bad at this, so just stop now."  Enter Colbie Caillat, the Evangelist you didn't even know existed.

Sometimes, when I drive, I talk to the Lord out loud.  I really wish that I had a dash cam in these moments: I'm highly entertaining while driving alone (singing, dancing, talking to the Lord, giving myself pep talks, etc.) I'm sure my facial expressions to the other drivers are pretty great.  Anyway, I was driving home one evening from a friend's house, and the song came on the radio.  The announcement of it being a new single from her made me stop my channel surfing and listen.  The lyrics started describing my heart pretty perfectly:

"I'm feeling further from You everyday.  You're in the stars, yeah You're worlds away.  I'm moving on, then I hear You say, 'Hold on.  Hold on.' "

In my mind, I'm saying, "Whoa.  That's my heart.  That's where I am.  This is speaking my heart to the Lord right now.  Wonder where this is going."

"We're losing light yeah we're fading fast.  We need a fire, need a spark, or we'll never last." 

This is what my emotions try to tell me.  So many times in the Christian life, we get moments of extreme consolation: of intense emotion.  My emotions sometimes try to rule my soul by saying they need to be placated; I need to feel to believe.  This is such a battle for all of us sometimes, even if initially during conversion.  My intellect, which gratefully has had some pretty great formation (thanks, FOCUS!), reminds me that every craving can't be satiated.  It's like my body: I love chocolate.  I pretty much always want to eat chocolate.  Even Candy Crush hasn't turned me against chocolate.  But I can't eat chocolate all the time because it's not good for me.  Same with our emotions; we can't live with the emotional high from certain times of prayer or a retreat or even a good night's sleep.  My emotions are so freaking fickle it's ridiculous.  I can't always trust them.

"Just look at Me, look at Me.  I've been burning for you so long, so long."

"I look at You, and I get the feeling.  I think that I should hold on."

In Blessed Pope John Paul II's Apostolic Letter declaring the Year of the Rosary in 2002, he invited us:

"The Church has to launch out "into the deep" in the new millennium beginning with the contemplation of the face of Christ."  

I've heard this so many times, but it's been in the forefront of my thoughts when I am in adoration or in front of the tabernacle: the Face of Christ.  The Face of Love before us.  The Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity in front of me, for me to gaze on with love.  For me to be able to simply sit with when there are no words.  For me to stare at when I'm empty.  For me to love when it's hard to believe there's more than a piece of bread before me.  For me to learn the greatest of all things: love.  A great friend once reminded me that the fruit of our prayer should always be to love more.  Prayer should allow us to love without abandon, to love more boldly.  In this time of desolation, the Face of Christ is reminding me to love when love is clearly not returned.  No, friends, I'm not saying Jesus doesn't love me.  I am saying He's teaching me how to love Him more fully, so I can love others to the fullest extent.  To be able to gaze upon the face of love and feel nothing is a sad part of my heart, but to know that it's more than emotion, that it's choice that brought me into the chapel after my late night run, that's brought me to my knees in my room when I'm falling asleep during my praying with Scripture, that choice brings me to Mass to fully participate, that's the part I hold on to.  I used to be so good at loving even when I knew I annoyed people.  I used to be able to still pray out the phlegmatic part of me that knows another is being irrationally angry with me, but I know, and everyone else knows, that I did nothing wrong.  Where have I lost the grace of love, the virtue of mission for those harder to love?  Where has my heart gone wrong here?  It doesn't matter where, as long as I learn, move forward, love and hold on.

So, I guess you could say that Colbie Caillat ended my dry streak briefly.  Going to the chapel when there's an aversion to doing so, moving forward with prayer, even when I have 1,000 other things I could be doing.  The better part, that's my choice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qT5friQUafc

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel has come to you!

(This is a reblog from my old blog a few years ago. Loved the consolation I received during this blog and wanted to share again!)

The last few weeks, I have been spending time in my prayer and heart "preparing for the birth of the Lord". Really, it's a funny thing to think about - how does one truly prepare themselves for the birth of someone who has already been born? I've spent extra time in the writings of the Saints. I've tried my darndest to figure out the meaning of the "Coming of the Lord". See, I know that in a few short months I will be shouting from the rooftops about the Resurrection of the same Man who was just born this very morning.


I began to place myself, once again, in the lives of those who were placed on the earth before Christ was born. I want to sing "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!" when I put myself there. The idea that these people had no idea where their redemption was going to come from (outside of these little hints from a crazy guy named Isaiah ;) ) is a completely foreign concept for the hearts of us who often fall into complacency! They continued to be actively seeking their Messiah, their Savior. They knew He was coming, and they didn't want to miss a second of Him. They begged God everyday for Him to be born upon the Earth and save them! There were people who remained in the temple day and night to await His coming. There was confusion, brokenness and so much fear. Wow - so it's like today! I had a small moment of great rejoicing in the coming of Emmanuel today when I returned home from my sister's.


I was very much looking forward to coming back to Denver for this Christmas season! I even drove in conditions I probably shouldn't have for about 70 of my 900 mile journey just to be with my siblings this very Christmas Eve (watch the Broncos play and have breakfast with my family). I came back to my parents' house where my car is still stuck out front in the foot of snow that the plow left for us to park in, and no one else home. It was a beautiful experience to sit alone on Christmas Eve. I walked to my sister's for a couple hours, and came home soon after to finish wrapping and prepare for midnight. I pulled open my laptop to play my new favorite Christmas songs - Brandon Heath's "Night Before Christmas" (which I blogged about before), Phil Wickham's "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel", and Francesca Battistelli's "You're Here", and jumped onto Twitter out of habit. I was trying to think of my Christmas Tweet to my friends on Twitter, when I looked to see what was trending. I was certain Tim Tebow would be on that list, and, alas, I was right. To my grandest surprise, there was something trending far more than Timmy tonight (despite his terrible showing of FOUR TURNOVERS) - Midnight Mass. Screaming "O, Come, Emmanuel" in my head when I drive past the Adult Stores, when I see the destitution of Flagstaff, when I think about the culture I live in everyday I walk on campus to bring Him to the students and the students to Him, suddenly was before my face. He's here! For a brief moment, the entire world stood still about 2000 years ago when a star appeared in the sky. Angels sang shepherds from their flocks to worship the tiniest and most vulnerable of people. More people in this world believe in the existence of angels than they do in the existence of God. People, the world was less shaken by Gabriel's appearance to Mama Mary, an angel coming to the earth to visit a human being and call her Blessed, than it was the birth of GOD. When I looked to see that more people were posting about Him, not just being born upon the earth, but that they had seen and received Him, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity just a few moments before was absolutely breath-taking. In that moment, joy was born again into my soul. In that moment, in my parents' basement, all alone on Christmas Eve, I found myself at a loss for words at the entire world standing still for yet another moment. The very moment He came down to experience humanity in humility.





REJOICE! REJOICE! EMMANUEL HAS COME TO YOU, OH ISRAEL!





The vulnerability of the Christ Child has brought me to my knees once again. He's here. So today, I hold Jesus in my arms. Today I bring myself to the manger stable, and I rejoice with my entire being at Incarnation. Happy birthday, beautiful baby boy, and welcome to this wonderful world You created.





"What came about in bodily form in Mary, the fullness of the godhead shining through Christ in the Blessed Virgin, takes place in a similar way in every soul that has been made pure. The Lord does not come in bodily form, for 'we no longer know Christ according to the flesh,' but He dwells in us spiritually and the Father takes up His abode with him, the Gospel tells us. In this way the child Jesus is born in each of us." 


-St. Gregory of Nyssa - "On Virginity"

Bringing Dating Back

Four Reasons You Should Be Casually Dating

With the advent of Buzzfeed, lists have become rather popular on the internet.  I'm taking advantage to share my reasons for "casual dating".  First, I should tell you that I'm not using the word "date" the same way that we use it today.  The word "date" was used in a completely different way when our parents were of dating age.  Dating someone meant simply spending intentional time with another person with the aim of getting to know them.  This was often in the form of dinner and/or a movie or driving on a Friday or Saturday night.  Often, men would take several women out in a month.  Vice versa, women would have several dates throughout a month.  "Dating" now is the equivalent of "going steady" for them.  I am not saying we should have an excess of boyfriends or girlfriends in our back pocket.  I'm also not saying we should serial date just to get the attention of the opposite sex.  I am saying that I think it's healthy, appropriate and beautiful because:

1. Emotional Chastity.  I talk about emotional chastity on a fairly consistent basis, so many of my friends are rolling their eyes at me right now. Emotional chastity is the ability to be modest with our emotions: revealing emotions at the right time within the proper context (CCC #2523).  Emotional chastity allows for safe vulnerability, and allows a person to have healthy emotional relationships within their entire life.  It seems that going on dates with several different people wouldn't allow for a person to be emotionally chaste.  Au, contraire!  This allows a person to practice guarding their hearts.  Imagine this: if you had a dinner, lunch or coffee date with different guys at least twice a month, would every date become a big deal?  Absolutely not!  It would still be exciting, but the purpose behind each individual date wouldn't be hidden.  Women and men (don't even try to tell me that men don't struggle with emotional chastity) would have the opportunity to get to know different people. (more on this in a follow-up blog on modesty...stay tuned...)  Which leads me to:

2. Proper Discernment.  Discerning marriage is good, beautiful and difficult.  The discernment of marriage is a Vocation in direct relationship to another person.  We cannot discern definitively marriage without being able to discern with another person.  Does this mean that those who have prayed and experience a call to marriage are wrong?  No, but it does mean that they cannot fulfill that call without the other person.  Seems pretty obvious, right?  So, how does dating help?  Getting know several people allows you to understand several different temperaments.  In this way, dating several different people helps you to discern what you truly want and (more importantly) need in a spouse.  How many youth rallies, conferences, or even lifenights have we been told to make a list of things you want in your future spouse?  How do you even know what you want or need if you've never spent intentional time with the opposite sex?  

More than this, we sometimes need to adjust what we want.  We should never, ever, ever, ever, in a million years, lower our standards for a potential spouse. Virtue, chastity, relationship with Christ, ability to lead, kindness, etc, are very important to marriage.  However, we should be cautious to know that our spouse is likely not going to look like a Calvin Klein model.  We also need to remember that no person is perfect.  Men, stop looking for the perfect woman; she doesn't exist.  This is a fallacy that's been placed in your mind from the time you were young.  Ladies, stop looking for Mr. Right; he's not real.  Emotions are an important part of attractions, and we do need to pay attention to that, but we cannot simply say that we always know and understand the Mind of God and know exactly who we are looking for.  

3. Boldness.  A few years ago, I met a wonderful priest named Fr. John Parks.  I was a FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) Team Director, and he was a high school chaplain in Scottsdale.  One afternoon, Fr. Parks and I were discussing over the phone something that's near and dear to my heart: evangelization.  Fr. Parks posed the question to me, "Why is our society so afraid to share the Gospel?"  My response was, "Our parishioners do not see the necessity in practicing boldness."  Virtue is something that is acquired through the perseverance and consistent practice of a habit.  In order to be an evangelist, we must not be afraid to be bold with Christ, as He makes bold strides with us daily.  We are too afraid to hurt feelings or rock the boat that we miss opportunities to share Christ with others.  So, how does dating help this?  I hear on a pretty consistent basis that guys are afraid to ask women out on dates because they fear rejection, and this makes me wonder what kind of Christians they are in the public sphere.  Often times women do not show their feelings for men outright because they are either guarding their hearts, working towards a more virtuous way of flirting, or trying not to lead a guy on.  Whatever the case, I would recommend that guys get over it and ask her out.  The worst thing that could happen is the lady says, "No."  How is that even bad?  Your relationship is now further defined, and the Lord closed the door for you.  

Conversely, I have a rule (and I'm fairly certain my roommates share this rule): If a man asks me for intentional time or a date, I am free at the time proposed, and I don't feel physically unsafe with this person, I will always say, "Yes." to the first one.  I don't always say, "Yes" to a subsequent date, because sometimes it's pretty obvious that we aren't called to marry one another.  We don't know where our spouse is coming from.  We don't know who the Lord has in mind for us.  Ladies, allowing a guy the opportunity to be chivalrous will allow you a chance to practice receiving.  Also, what an opportunity for boldness on our parts: there may be something that comes up on the date that we can address as a matter of loving virtue.  Get out there and date!

4. Opening the Lines of Charitable Communication.  Dating allows people to practice being open with their communication.  Dating teaches us how to have healthy and holy conversations with persons of the opposite sex.  I studied Human Communication, psychology and sociology in my undergraduate.  One of the biggest things that was stressed by my psych and soc professors was that communication, and how that communication is presented, is key to the health of every relationship.  Most experts rank that as the first focus for healthy and satisfactory relationships.  While, as Catholic Christians, we know the most important focus of every relationships should be creating an environment where Christ is at the center (and making sure both parties are pursuing Christ and being pursued by Christ), it goes to say something.  Communication is something we are missing.  Just look at this: I'm a nobody writing to a group of people I might never meet, and they got this through means that didn't require actually talking to someone (most likely).  It's not like I'm a news reporter who writes for a newspaper, and you have to walk down the street to the newsy on the corner to read this.  Nope.  You opened your macbook or iPad.  Your marriage will not be a series of text messages.  Your marriage will not be emails.  Yes, these forms of communication have allowed us to make the world smaller, but you have to look at someone's face to make vows.  Dating allows you to learn how to make conversation and opens those lines without the potential awkwardness.  This allows for a less awkward "DTR".  When a guys asks a lady to be his girlfriend, or to "go steady with him", there's clarity in what that means.  Yes, boundaries need to be defined, but that conversation is already set up for that.  Yes, other conversations will follow, but at least you know that at that point, the discernment has reached the next level: let's be exclusive and discern marriage.

In these ways, I would say that a date is any time that is spent one-on-one, intentionally, and not "dutch" (one party pays).   The challenge lies in this: what is it about the word "date" that makes you live in fear?

A Season of Waiting

It's that time of year: coffee shops have their cute cups with snowflakes on them, pop artists releasing horrible renditions of Christmas songs, lines at the mall are ridiculous, planning to fly out to visit family is always a gamble (I'm from Denver), and music everywhere with lots of bells.  Yes, friends, it's December.  I'm not against the excitement of the season; I actually love the seasonal coffee drinks, and, yes, I am one of the crazy people who went Black Friday Shopping (on Black Friday).  Who are we kidding; it's almost a magical feel to this time of year.  We know something important is coming.  Whether that's cleaning the house for out of town guests, wrapping presents, or preparing our children for Santa or St. Nick, whatever your tradition, we instinctively feel that it's an important time.

Let's not miss the point of the season; Christmas isn't here yet.  For the shopping mother who has so much to get from the "wish list" before December 24, those words are almost comforting.  For the kids who are in school, those words sound almost like a funeral droll.  To the Catholic who loves purple, it means the Season of Advent is upon us.

Advent is another time of the year that prepares us for something greater.  Yes, Sweet Baby Jesus, 8 pound, six ounces newborn infant Jesus, is what we celebrate on Christmas...kind of.  We relate to the baby because, as women, we see the potential for life within ourselves.  We relate to the infant because, as humans, we're vulnerable, too.  We cry, too.  We eat, too.  We need to be cared for, too.  But that's not what Advent is all about.  Advent comes from the Latin Adventus, which means coming.  It translates from the Greek Parousia which means second coming.  These four weeks are another opportunity to renew our hearts for the Second Coming of Christ.  The Gospel at Mass yesterday from Matthew said it well, "Therefore, stay awake!  For you do not know on which day your Lord will come."  We cry in our Church pews during this season, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel! And ransom captive Israel!"  We cry for the season to be over because we see the light at the end of the tunnel, the excitement behind the fasting and crazy preparation.

Have you ever been around a woman who is around 8 months pregnant?  Most of the time, she is completely uncomfortable.  The baby is under her ribs.  The baby is sitting on her bladder.  The baby is moving around in her womb keeping her awake at night.  Stand is uncomfortable for her back because of the extra weight from the baby in her tummy.  Sitting is uncomfortable because it almost seems like there will never be enough room for her to share her body.  Laying down is uncomfortable.  Really, she can't get comfortable, and she's just ready for the bundle of joy to stop squirming inside of her and just be swaddled in her arms.  Imagine that the woman is carrying the Savior of your nation.  You know that that baby inside you is called "Emmanuel", that He's going to be "wonderful, counselor and the Prince of Peace."  Imagine the impatience we would experience knowing that this child is the One and only child who could ever save us.  "Baby, just come out so we can meet you!" you would cry on the social media of the time with your ever chaste husband, Joe, by your side.  You know, though, that in order for a child to be healthy, it must pass a certain amount of time inside your womb. In your heart, you feel restless with nesting, you feel completely unprepared for your child to be born, but you just want the baby in your arms today.  "What will it be like to give birth?  Will my baby cry all the time?  Will I be able to soothe my baby?  Will He struggle to eat at first?"  With these questions mounting, we must remember that there is still time to prepare and to relax.  We still have a time of waiting and patience before the Advent of our child.  Patience, waiting, preparing.  This is the liturgical season of advent.

Sometimes my life is like a romantic comedy.  Weird things always happen to me, and people are always asking me, "When are you going to get married?"  This is especially true when I stand in weddings; I've been in 9 so far, and have the great privilege of standing next to my best friend as her Maid of Honor in June.  It's beautiful to be such an integral part of the Sacrament of Matrimony.  Bridesmaids not only get to prepare through planning and doing fun things with the Bride, they also get to pray with and for the bride, we get to fast for her.  We get the honor of knowing her heart before the wedding.  That aside, it's a time to see parts of wedding masses that I love (there are rarely things I don't "like") and think about the Vocation to which the Lord has called me: marriage.  In my college household, there were eight of us.  Of the eight, five are married, one is engaged.  The two of us remaining unwed (the other happens to be my other best friend) have a Vocation to marriage, and we discuss this from time to time.  While it's unhealthy to dwell solely on the future, it's a beautiful opportunity to sit in patient waiting, asking the Lord for more grace to prepare my own heart for the Advent of my future spouse.  I find myself asking the Lord what parts of my heart are still in darkness that need His light to be ready to be a holy and chaste spouse for my own husband.  My best friend shared with me that her spiritual director told her, "We should never tire of asking the Lord for our spouse."  While my prayer is centered on Christ, I know that God created my heart for selfless love, and I ask Him to bring that my way at least once during my prayer time.  I do spend time with my roommates in Phoenix who are calling me to a greater holiness.  I do make time for daily prayer.  I do reach out to my sisters in Christ in different ways and work diligently at my beautiful job as a Coordinator of the New Evangelization, while writing and speaking on the side.  I enjoy many things because I have the time for them.  My single life now can be exhausted for the Lord, but that's not my ultimate Vocation; He's preparing me for something greater, something that will be for my greater sanctification.  This is a very real taste of my own Advent, my own season of preparation.

Each of our lives are filled with purification opportunities from the Lord.  What is He calling forth from the darkness of our hearts to the light today?

A Letter to Tuthmosis

Tuthmosis,

I'm foregoing the traditional niceties because I'm appalled by what you wrote.  I'd like to take just a moment from my work day to respond to what you said as an appropriate way to date.

First, I'd like to say you must not have a very balanced idea of who good women are.  Throughout the course of the five reasons, you mention several times things that are unattractive to you as traits of "women".  Clearly, according to these concepts, you actually have no female friends, contact with female relatives, or any encounters with women outside of brief meetings at work or at the bar on a drunken Friday night.  This thought saddens me as your blog has gotten so much attention; you are no expert on the female heart.

Women, in general, want to be seen as beautiful.  We try to live the ideal, and we sadly sometimes try to make ourselves look "hot" because we have a shallow understanding of what beauty is.  Here's the point that you're missing, too: women are naturally designed to be beautiful.  I can recall a few circumstances of the most beautiful women I've either met or been impressed by.  My freshmen year of college, I met Jim Caviezel on the streets of the Vatican in Rome.  With him were a couple of men in his entourage, but also his wife.  While I remember his graciousness in allowing us to shake his hand in Italy, I remember how beautiful his wife was more.  When we think of stars' wives, we think of super models, women whose looks are those we could only dream to achieve with the help of photoshop and an inordinate amount of makeup, thus realities that don't exist.  What I remember about Mrs. Caviezel is her LACK of makeup, and her smile.  She radiated joy, faithfulness, and love.  She was beautiful to me because she knew who she was and didn't demand to be treated for more than she is.  Gorgeous.

The other woman I think of that defies your idea of beauty is Mother Theresa.  A dear friend of mine often showed a picture of Mother Theresa to students and reminded them that this is not what the world defines as beauty.  Mother Theresa wouldn't have won any traditional beauty contests, but she was a soul that radiated beauty beyond the exterior.  This woman saved lives, served with her entire being, and loved all.  There's scantly a thing more beautiful than this.

Beautiful to the world is simply a state of the exterior.  Your concept is off: simply a statement of exterior (rarely fat, stylish clothing, fit and trim, etc.).  While I commend you for not using the word "beauty" in your article to define what you're looking for, I also call you a liar because it's exactly what you want....in your distorted way.

I have rarely met a man that does not find a woman who knows who she is attractive in some way.  You might be the first.  While the exterior comes into play, while it may seem great at the beginning, the irrational thoughts that pervade, the lack of desire to go out because she doesn't feel beautiful enough, the crazy amounts of exercise or the lack of eating or the intense cry fests, or the lack of ability to show who she truly is, that all weighs on the other person.  Am I blaming these women for failed relationships?  Ah, hell, naw.  I am saying that the emotional instability of women with these chemical imbalances and poor self-talk (it's called a disease for a reason) takes a real man to be there for her. A real man lets her know she's beautiful.  A real man shows her more than just what's in the mirror (or what her lying mirror tells her).  A real man treats her with respect.  A real man shows her that he's not the only person she can lean on in these times.  Let's be honest - a real man will show her the way to Christ for healing, love and growth.  A real man doesn't exploit a woman for the mere fact that she refuses to show her true self, and therefore simply aims to please you; a real man will help her draw out the authentic, beautiful woman inside.  Ultimately, a real man will recognize that she needs to make the decision to work towards recovery with support herself.  That's right, work towards RECOVERY.  This is a real disease that shouldn't be exploited.

You say that women who have the "you go girlist" confidence are unattractive.  You say that women that have an inflated ego carry some of the traits of the most unattractive kind to you.  I'll venture to say this: the very thing you detest here is a.) a symptom of the same root of what causes eating disorders and b.) something you seem to struggle with yourself.  Pride, the vice that is seemingly the most pervasive in our culture, attacks in two forms: low and high.  High pride is what you described as almost disgusting to you.  High pride is what we normally think of when confronted with the word, itself; it's the tendency to think of yourself more highly than is actually rooted in truth.  Low pride, my friend, is the same issue, but the opposite swing; low pride is the tendency to think of yourself more lowly than is actually rooted in truth.  Both forms of pride reject God in their essence: the proud who reject God because they don't see the need for Him in their lives, and the proud who reject God because they fail to see their worthiness of Him in their own hearts.  Women who struggle with eating disorders don't find themselves worthy, which is a thought that is not rooted in truth.  Women who do not see themselves as worthy of love are believing a prevalent lie that has saturated our culture.  Women are beautiful and dignified.  Please stop trying to tell them they're not.

The other three points that you made regarding money and sex show something almost more devious in this article than the previous points: utilitarianism.  The root issue with the entire treatise is your mindset of allowing women to simply become objects for your direct pleasure, and not allowing women to become, in your mind, people.  The whole purpose of your article is to show that our world has some pretty slim and atrocious options for our late-twenties/early-thirties dating.  Ok, I'll agree with you; the world, at large, has some pretty awful options for potential love.  On the side of women, I can say that fairly often, the guys we find ourselves relating to emotionally or, really just being able to relate to in general, are not the kind of guys that "you'd take to meet Mom and Dad".  Conversely, the virtuous, "nice" guys tend to reside in the land of misfit toys, scarcely able to even converse naturally.  (Note - don't get offended, guys; this isn't the case for every guy.).  The same could be said for a man's perspective.  However, if you lower your standards to simply dating for the sole purpose of using another for what they can do, and that's it, then you are going to make this problem an inescapable reality of the future.  

“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.”

Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen, Life Is Worth Living

Why not enjoy the bromances in your life until you meet a gal who fits your criteria in a more healthy way?  Or perhaps does the fear of a lifelong commitment leading you to personal growth scare you so much?