Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel has come to you!



(This is a reblog from my old blog a few years ago. Loved the consolation I received during this blog and wanted to share again!)
The last few weeks, I have been spending time in my prayer and heart "preparing for the birth of the Lord". Really, it's a funny thing to think about - how does one truly prepare themselves for the birth of someone who has already been born? I've spent extra time in the writings of the Saints. I've tried my darndest to figure out the meaning of the "Coming of the Lord". See, I know that in a few short months I will be shouting from the rooftops about the Resurrection of the same Man who was just born this very morning.


I began to place myself, once again, in the lives of those who were placed on the earth before Christ was born. I want to sing "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!" when I put myself there. The idea that these people had no idea where their redemption was going to come from (outside of these little hints from a crazy guy named Isaiah ;) ) is a completely foreign concept for the hearts of us who often fall into complacency! They continued to be actively seeking their Messiah, their Savior. They knew He was coming, and they didn't want to miss a second of Him. They begged God everyday for Him to be born upon the Earth and save them! There were people who remained in the temple day and night to await His coming. There was confusion, brokenness and so much fear. Wow - so it's like today! I had a small moment of great rejoicing in the coming of Emmanuel today when I returned home from my sister's.


I was very much looking forward to coming back to Denver for this Christmas season! I even drove in conditions I probably shouldn't have for about 70 of my 900 mile journey just to be with my siblings this very Christmas Eve (watch the Broncos play and have breakfast with my family). I came back to my parents' house where my car is still stuck out front in the foot of snow that the plow left for us to park in, and no one else home. It was a beautiful experience to sit alone on Christmas Eve. I walked to my sister's for a couple hours, and came home soon after to finish wrapping and prepare for midnight. I pulled open my laptop to play my new favorite Christmas songs - Brandon Heath's "Night Before Christmas" (which I blogged about before), Phil Wickham's "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel", and Francesca Battistelli's "You're Here", and jumped onto Twitter out of habit. I was trying to think of my Christmas Tweet to my friends on Twitter, when I looked to see what was trending. I was certain Tim Tebow would be on that list, and, alas, I was right. To my grandest surprise, there was something trending far more than Timmy tonight (despite his terrible showing of FOUR TURNOVERS) - Midnight Mass. Screaming "O, Come, Emmanuel" in my head when I drive past the Adult Stores, when I see the destitution of Flagstaff, when I think about the culture I live in everyday I walk on campus to bring Him to the students and the students to Him, suddenly was before my face. He's here! For a brief moment, the entire world stood still about 2000 years ago when a star appeared in the sky. Angels sang shepherds from their flocks to worship the tiniest and most vulnerable of people. More people in this world believe in the existence of angels than they do in the existence of God. People, the world was less shaken by Gabriel's appearance to Mama Mary, an angel coming to the earth to visit a human being and call her Blessed, than it was the birth of GOD. When I looked to see that more people were posting about Him, not just being born upon the earth, but that they had seen and received Him, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity just a few moments before was absolutely breath-taking. In that moment, joy was born again into my soul. In that moment, in my parents' basement, all alone on Christmas Eve, I found myself at a loss for words at the entire world standing still for yet another moment. The very moment He came down to experience humanity in humility.





REJOICE! REJOICE! EMMANUEL HAS COME TO YOU, OH ISRAEL!





The vulnerability of the Christ Child has brought me to my knees once again. He's here. So today, I hold Jesus in my arms. Today I bring myself to the manger stable, and I rejoice with my entire being at Incarnation. Happy birthday, beautiful baby boy, and welcome to this wonderful world You created.





"What came about in bodily form in Mary, the fullness of the godhead shining through Christ in the Blessed Virgin, takes place in a similar way in every soul that has been made pure. The Lord does not come in bodily form, for 'we no longer know Christ according to the flesh,' but He dwells in us spiritually and the Father takes up His abode with him, the Gospel tells us. In this way the child Jesus is born in each of us." 


-St. Gregory of Nyssa - "On Virginity"

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Bringing Dating Back

Four Reasons You Should Be Casually Dating

With the advent of Buzzfeed, lists have become rather popular on the internet.  I'm taking advantage to share my reasons for "casual dating".  First, I should tell you that I'm not using the word "date" the same way that we use it today.  The word "date" was used in a completely different way when our parents were of dating age.  Dating someone meant simply spending intentional time with another person with the aim of getting to know them.  This was often in the form of dinner and/or a movie or driving on a Friday or Saturday night.  Often, men would take several women out in a month.  Vice versa, women would have several dates throughout a month.  "Dating" now is the equivalent of "going steady" for them.  I am not saying we should have an excess of boyfriends or girlfriends in our back pocket.  I'm also not saying we should serial date just to get the attention of the opposite sex.  I am saying that I think it's healthy, appropriate and beautiful because:

1. Emotional Chastity.  I talk about emotional chastity on a fairly consistent basis, so many of my friends are rolling their eyes at me right now. Emotional chastity is the ability to be modest with our emotions: revealing emotions at the right time within the proper context (CCC #2523).  Emotional chastity allows for safe vulnerability, and allows a person to have healthy emotional relationships within their entire life.  It seems that going on dates with several different people wouldn't allow for a person to be emotionally chaste.  Au, contraire!  This allows a person to practice guarding their hearts.  Imagine this: if you had a dinner, lunch or coffee date with different guys at least twice a month, would every date become a big deal?  Absolutely not!  It would still be exciting, but the purpose behind each individual date wouldn't be hidden.  Women and men (don't even try to tell me that men don't struggle with emotional chastity) would have the opportunity to get to know different people. (more on this in a follow-up blog on modesty...stay tuned...)  Which leads me to:

2. Proper Discernment.  Discerning marriage is good, beautiful and difficult.  The discernment of marriage is a Vocation in direct relationship to another person.  We cannot discern definitively marriage without being able to discern with another person.  Does this mean that those who have prayed and experience a call to marriage are wrong?  No, but it does mean that they cannot fulfill that call without the other person.  Seems pretty obvious, right?  So, how does dating help?  Getting know several people allows you to understand several different temperaments.  In this way, dating several different people helps you to discern what you truly want and (more importantly) need in a spouse.  How many youth rallies, conferences, or even lifenights have we been told to make a list of things you want in your future spouse?  How do you even know what you want or need if you've never spent intentional time with the opposite sex?  

More than this, we sometimes need to adjust what we want.  We should never, ever, ever, ever, in a million years, lower our standards for a potential spouse. Virtue, chastity, relationship with Christ, ability to lead, kindness, etc, are very important to marriage.  However, we should be cautious to know that our spouse is likely not going to look like a Calvin Klein model.  We also need to remember that no person is perfect.  Men, stop looking for the perfect woman; she doesn't exist.  This is a fallacy that's been placed in your mind from the time you were young.  Ladies, stop looking for Mr. Right; he's not real.  Emotions are an important part of attractions, and we do need to pay attention to that, but we cannot simply say that we always know and understand the Mind of God and know exactly who we are looking for.  

3. Boldness.  A few years ago, I met a wonderful priest named Fr. John Parks.  I was a FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) Team Director, and he was a high school chaplain in Scottsdale.  One afternoon, Fr. Parks and I were discussing over the phone something that's near and dear to my heart: evangelization.  Fr. Parks posed the question to me, "Why is our society so afraid to share the Gospel?"  My response was, "Our parishioners do not see the necessity in practicing boldness."  Virtue is something that is acquired through the perseverance and consistent practice of a habit.  In order to be an evangelist, we must not be afraid to be bold with Christ, as He makes bold strides with us daily.  We are too afraid to hurt feelings or rock the boat that we miss opportunities to share Christ with others.  So, how does dating help this?  I hear on a pretty consistent basis that guys are afraid to ask women out on dates because they fear rejection, and this makes me wonder what kind of Christians they are in the public sphere.  Often times women do not show their feelings for men outright because they are either guarding their hearts, working towards a more virtuous way of flirting, or trying not to lead a guy on.  Whatever the case, I would recommend that guys get over it and ask her out.  The worst thing that could happen is the lady says, "No."  How is that even bad?  Your relationship is now further defined, and the Lord closed the door for you.  

Conversely, I have a rule (and I'm fairly certain my roommates share this rule): If a man asks me for intentional time or a date, I am free at the time proposed, and I don't feel physically unsafe with this person, I will always say, "Yes." to the first one.  I don't always say, "Yes" to a subsequent date, because sometimes it's pretty obvious that we aren't called to marry one another.  We don't know where our spouse is coming from.  We don't know who the Lord has in mind for us.  Ladies, allowing a guy the opportunity to be chivalrous will allow you a chance to practice receiving.  Also, what an opportunity for boldness on our parts: there may be something that comes up on the date that we can address as a matter of loving virtue.  Get out there and date!

4. Opening the Lines of Charitable Communication.  Dating allows people to practice being open with their communication.  Dating teaches us how to have healthy and holy conversations with persons of the opposite sex.  I studied Human Communication, psychology and sociology in my undergraduate.  One of the biggest things that was stressed by my psych and soc professors was that communication, and how that communication is presented, is key to the health of every relationship.  Most experts rank that as the first focus for healthy and satisfactory relationships.  While, as Catholic Christians, we know the most important focus of every relationships should be creating an environment where Christ is at the center (and making sure both parties are pursuing Christ and being pursued by Christ), it goes to say something.  Communication is something we are missing.  Just look at this: I'm a nobody writing to a group of people I might never meet, and they got this through means that didn't require actually talking to someone (most likely).  It's not like I'm a news reporter who writes for a newspaper, and you have to walk down the street to the newsy on the corner to read this.  Nope.  You opened your macbook or iPad.  Your marriage will not be a series of text messages.  Your marriage will not be emails.  Yes, these forms of communication have allowed us to make the world smaller, but you have to look at someone's face to make vows.  Dating allows you to learn how to make conversation and opens those lines without the potential awkwardness.  This allows for a less awkward "DTR".  When a guys asks a lady to be his girlfriend, or to "go steady with him", there's clarity in what that means.  Yes, boundaries need to be defined, but that conversation is already set up for that.  Yes, other conversations will follow, but at least you know that at that point, the discernment has reached the next level: let's be exclusive and discern marriage.

In these ways, I would say that a date is any time that is spent one-on-one, intentionally, and not "dutch" (one party pays).   The challenge lies in this: what is it about the word "date" that makes you live in fear?


Tuesday, December 3, 2013

A Season of Waiting

It's that time of year: coffee shops have their cute cups with snowflakes on them, pop artists releasing horrible renditions of Christmas songs, lines at the mall are ridiculous, planning to fly out to visit family is always a gamble (I'm from Denver), and music everywhere with lots of bells.  Yes, friends, it's December.  I'm not against the excitement of the season; I actually love the seasonal coffee drinks, and, yes, I am one of the crazy people who went Black Friday Shopping (on Black Friday).  Who are we kidding; it's almost a magical feel to this time of year.  We know something important is coming.  Whether that's cleaning the house for out of town guests, wrapping presents, or preparing our children for Santa or St. Nick, whatever your tradition, we instinctively feel that it's an important time.

Let's not miss the point of the season; Christmas isn't here yet.  For the shopping mother who has so much to get from the "wish list" before December 24, those words are almost comforting.  For the kids who are in school, those words sound almost like a funeral droll.  To the Catholic who loves purple, it means the Season of Advent is upon us.

Advent is another time of the year that prepares us for something greater.  Yes, Sweet Baby Jesus, 8 pound, six ounces newborn infant Jesus, is what we celebrate on Christmas...kind of.  We relate to the baby because, as women, we see the potential for life within ourselves.  We relate to the infant because, as humans, we're vulnerable, too.  We cry, too.  We eat, too.  We need to be cared for, too.  But that's not what Advent is all about.  Advent comes from the Latin Adventus, which means coming.  It translates from the Greek Parousia which means second coming.  These four weeks are another opportunity to renew our hearts for the Second Coming of Christ.  The Gospel at Mass yesterday from Matthew said it well, "Therefore, stay awake!  For you do not know on which day your Lord will come."  We cry in our Church pews during this season, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel! And ransom captive Israel!"  We cry for the season to be over because we see the light at the end of the tunnel, the excitement behind the fasting and crazy preparation.

Have you ever been around a woman who is around 8 months pregnant?  Most of the time, she is completely uncomfortable.  The baby is under her ribs.  The baby is sitting on her bladder.  The baby is moving around in her womb keeping her awake at night.  Stand is uncomfortable for her back because of the extra weight from the baby in her tummy.  Sitting is uncomfortable because it almost seems like there will never be enough room for her to share her body.  Laying down is uncomfortable.  Really, she can't get comfortable, and she's just ready for the bundle of joy to stop squirming inside of her and just be swaddled in her arms.  Imagine that the woman is carrying the Savior of your nation.  You know that that baby inside you is called "Emmanuel", that He's going to be "wonderful, counselor and the Prince of Peace."  Imagine the impatience we would experience knowing that this child is the One and only child who could ever save us.  "Baby, just come out so we can meet you!" you would cry on the social media of the time with your ever chaste husband, Joe, by your side.  You know, though, that in order for a child to be healthy, it must pass a certain amount of time inside your womb. In your heart, you feel restless with nesting, you feel completely unprepared for your child to be born, but you just want the baby in your arms today.  "What will it be like to give birth?  Will my baby cry all the time?  Will I be able to soothe my baby?  Will He struggle to eat at first?"  With these questions mounting, we must remember that there is still time to prepare and to relax.  We still have a time of waiting and patience before the Advent of our child.  Patience, waiting, preparing.  This is the liturgical season of advent.

Sometimes my life is like a romantic comedy.  Weird things always happen to me, and people are always asking me, "When are you going to get married?"  This is especially true when I stand in weddings; I've been in 9 so far, and have the great privilege of standing next to my best friend as her Maid of Honor in June.  It's beautiful to be such an integral part of the Sacrament of Matrimony.  Bridesmaids not only get to prepare through planning and doing fun things with the Bride, they also get to pray with and for the bride, we get to fast for her.  We get the honor of knowing her heart before the wedding.  That aside, it's a time to see parts of wedding masses that I love (there are rarely things I don't "like") and think about the Vocation to which the Lord has called me: marriage.  In my college household, there were eight of us.  Of the eight, five are married, one is engaged.  The two of us remaining unwed (the other happens to be my other best friend) have a Vocation to marriage, and we discuss this from time to time.  While it's unhealthy to dwell solely on the future, it's a beautiful opportunity to sit in patient waiting, asking the Lord for more grace to prepare my own heart for the Advent of my future spouse.  I find myself asking the Lord what parts of my heart are still in darkness that need His light to be ready to be a holy and chaste spouse for my own husband.  My best friend shared with me that her spiritual director told her, "We should never tire of asking the Lord for our spouse."  While my prayer is centered on Christ, I know that God created my heart for selfless love, and I ask Him to bring that my way at least once during my prayer time.  I do spend time with my roommates in Phoenix who are calling me to a greater holiness.  I do make time for daily prayer.  I do reach out to my sisters in Christ in different ways and work diligently at my beautiful job as a Coordinator of the New Evangelization, while writing and speaking on the side.  I enjoy many things because I have the time for them.  My single life now can be exhausted for the Lord, but that's not my ultimate Vocation; He's preparing me for something greater, something that will be for my greater sanctification.  This is a very real taste of my own Advent, my own season of preparation.

Each of our lives are filled with purification opportunities from the Lord.  What is He calling forth from the darkness of our hearts to the light today?